The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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