I faked an abortion last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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