I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize