You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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