I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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