Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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