now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I need a beard to bite.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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