So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize