the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize