you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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