I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They have beer where we have blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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