Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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