Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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