Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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