At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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