Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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