Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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