Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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