just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm really busy with my period
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