the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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