I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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