If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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