dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
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i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
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