you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
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Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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