he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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