I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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