he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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