i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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