Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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