Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im six kinds of drunk right now
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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