theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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