Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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