A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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