No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize