Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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