Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
there's paper in my vomit.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize