come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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