...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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