Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize