it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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