In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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