wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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