we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize