Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize