can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
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...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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