My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I supernannyed him into submission
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize