Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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