Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She told me I should be a condom model.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize