mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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