Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize